I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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