Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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