i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
