The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
