woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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