New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
