Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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