I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
