I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
