There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
