Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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