Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
