My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
