things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
