Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
