I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
