You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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