you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
