I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
