I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
A+ Viking dick
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
