I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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