I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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