You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
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