If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
