One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
