Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
tell me about the eggs
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
