Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
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