I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
