I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
