I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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