half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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