dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
