This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
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She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
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So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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