I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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