Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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