I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
you inspire me to be a worse person
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
