I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
