I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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