you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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