in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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