My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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