fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
