this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
