i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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