College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
You smell like stripper and shame
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
We have started to decorate penises.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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