She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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