i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
