my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
