I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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