u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
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