I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
