Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
