so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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