Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
