I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
