i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
