My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
