This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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