Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
