Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
