There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
