i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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