I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
