Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
