i'm signing you up for texting rehab
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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